Two years ago today, cancer stole the life of one of my best friends. Craig was a wonderful, fascinating human being. When you became Craig's friend, you were loved, and you damn well knew it. I knew we were close, but it turns out we were closer than I even realised. I met Craig's mother at his celebration of life. She asked who I was, and I replied, "Kattni." Out of nowhere, she lit up, and said, "Oh! Kattni! He loved you so much. He talked about you helping him when he needed it. I'm so glad to finally meet you." I had absolutely no idea that he had talked about me to his parents in the first place, much less to the extent that his mother would recognise my name. It was yet another reaffirmation that I was an important part of Craig's life. Which was an amazing feeling, because he was an incredibly important part of my life. To know that I was able to give him the level of support he gave me meant the world to me.
Craig supported me in everything I did, and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I left my job two and a half years ago. He convinced me to give content creation a try, that I had something worthwhile to share with the world. I haven't managed to make it work. And I can't help feeling like I've let him down. A big reason nothing came of it was a turn in my health that I'm still dealing with. But none of it would have mattered to Craig. He would still have supported me and told me it was ok that I haven't succeeded in that way, that it doesn't make me a failure.
I'm doing my best today to try to remember that.
Especially as I work on two upcoming conference talks, the need for which indicates that someone else also believes I have something worthwhile to share. And, even though I'm terrified of public speaking, I'm presenting, because sharing my stories and knowledge is important to me. It might not be a career in content creation, but it's something. Maybe I haven't let him down after all.